List #6 Truth in and the Misuse of New Age Psychobabble and Worn Out Clichés

List #6 Truth in and the Misuse of New Age Psychobabble and Worn Out Clichés

Choosing a paradigm through which to view your experience is a crucial ingredient to how fulfilling your life is going to be. The key world there is choosing. We all usually arrive at a paradigm through passive means; receive it from parents, TV…whatever. But as a fully formed human subject you are afforded the opportunity to craft a worldview. True, certain brain habits are hard to break, but that is all they are, a habit. Possibly your highest gift as a human is the ability to interpret and frame what happens to you. And guess what, choosing nihilistic objectivism grounded in rationality is just that, a choice. It is no more noble or intelligent than anyone else’s. That’s a tough thing to say in the face of Scientology and Creationism. However, remember that a hundred years ago the objective rationalist believed that they could cure female hysteria by removing a bone from the nose, as the nose was metonymically linked to the vaginal canal. That’s right, you heard correct. Doctors were disfiguring womens faces in an effort to alter what was going on with their uterus's… and that was considered sound science. My point here is not that current science should be treated skeptically. No! My point is that skepticism should be treated skeptically! All we can really be sure of is that picking a paradigm is a choice and this decision will greatly determine the quality of your life. So let’s see what we can learn from the New Ager Psychobabblers. Keep in mind, my criteria for assessment is not veracity, it is whether or not the tenant makes me happy.

1.    The Universe is Benevolent.

Actually, that is not a saying that you hear very much. But I start with it because it is the underlying premise of a whole lot of other New Ageisms. If you do not, down deep, have an inner conviction that the universe is a benevolent place then nearly all New Age crap will sound like that to you, New Age crap. So is it benevolent? Well…I don’t think an objective answer is possible nor do I think it matters. You will be happier if you are able to achieve a deep felt belief in some intangible “good” that is pervading everything. You just will. So I encourage striving towards constructing that bedrock paradigm for yourself if you don’t have it already. I heard Alice Walker say once, in answer to the question is the world good, “Of course! How can you question it when you bite into a peach?” And yes, some contemplation on one peach, one peach tree, one small bit of earth can not fail to yield an astonishing conclusion about the undercurrent of pervasive good that is our immediate environment. And actually, over time I have become very disenchanted with people who insist on the horrible, degenerative state of the world and the evils of humanity. I have had to fight through these maladies myself, so I do understand. I will confess to being a young mother, gripped with a fear of Y2K (oh yeah!), storing water in my backyard, and planning how I would fight off the hungry mob so that my daughter could eat. The fear of the future was real and completely incongruent with my immediate life on the North Shore of Oahu.  While that is just a funny antidote, it is true that my default setting is to spin into darkness if I hear about, say, a twelve-year-old girl raped and murdered. However, even though I am familiar with having a firmly planted negative lens, I now believe worldly cynicism is a condition that must be fought through if one wants to be happy. Why I ultimately rejected negative posturing is that I became deeply rooted in being a phenomenologist (study of experience) and now see it as the only ethical paradigm through which to base your worldview. When I look at my history of cynicism and listen to others, a pessimistic worldview is usually generated NOT through an individual’s own direct experience with the world. It is usually compromised of negative news from media outlets or gestures to horrible things that have befallen people they know. But the cynics themselves have usually had lovely lives, maybe a parental divorce and a bad break up…but usually nothing so terrible. Hard-boiled cynics are also usually the same people who have traveled internationally, attended universities, and will be quick to tell you about the amazing cultural events they have attended. Do you know the percentage of the world population that attends college? 2 percent. So shut the hell up. And I have noticed that of the people I know who really have walked through hell on earth (and I consider several years of my own life to have been a diet version of hell), many of them tend to have emerged enthusiastic about life. One of the most positive people I know was locked in a house as a child and her father set fire to it. Another incredibly happy friend of mine was a thirteen-year-old prostitute in East LA. If they have found a way to believe in the benevolence of the universe, and you have not…well, then I think you just don’t want to. I think you are enjoying your own pessimism. Have at it. But I promise you, it is not serving you well.  Certainly there are people who are horribly damaged by their experience on the planet and I don’t mean to make light of that. But the truth is, that is not me and that is probably not you. So I can not see taking someone else's experience and using it as an ingredient from which to build your case that the world is a nihilistic void. To tell you the truth, I find that exploitive. Yes, you are exploiting other people’s experience in order to justify your own negativity. Don’t talk to me about global warming, overpopulation, war in the Congo, or teenagers raped in Alameda…make your case to me about how the universe is a neutral or even degenerating place based solely on your own life experience…and you know what, I bet you end up feeling like a whiner and I’m sure I will think you are one too.

2.    Everything Happens for a Reason.

If you have concluded that the universe is a benevolent place—and sometimes this is arrived at in the midst of incredible good things happening in your life—it is tempting to then leap to, “Wow! Everything happens for a reason!” I doubt it. I really really doubt it and think this is a bit dangerous. What I think is truer is “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I choke on that gooey cliché. However, WE can supply a purpose and a meaning to the events that occur in our life. You can break a leg in a freak accident and then use the recovery time to sulk OR to better yourself through, say, writing. But I don’t think you broke your leg for the REASON that you now write. I think you have made some goddamn lemonade and good for you. The danger of this one is when you are on a hot streak and everything seems to be falling into place…you feel the benevolence of the universe and everything is happening for a reason…well, in that state it is very easy to look at your friend, your co-worker, whomever, and say to them, as their kid has pneumonia and they can’t get childcare but if they stay home they won’t have enough money to pay the bills…”Well, everything happens for a reason!” Don’t be that person. I despise that person. Don’t use your hot streak as an excuse to exempt yourself from extending compassion. We are supposed to help each other in hard times, not be smug. Jesus, Mother Teresa, Buddha, the 14th Dalai Lama…whoever you respect…none of them said to look at your neighbor struggling and assure them that their life sucking is the best thing ever!  Another good one, and I have had this happen to me plenty, is when someone blows it and leaves you in a hard situation and then chirps, ”Everything happens for a reason.” Oh really? I agree. And right now there is a reason why I am cutting you out of my life. You. Are. Fired.

3.    You Create Your Own Reality.

Law of attraction falls in this category and all I can say is…beware of any totalizing, one note paradigms! I do think we create our own reality. We make choices. We have a certain energy we put out that through a reflexive feedback loop informs how others treat us. There is a high note of truth to this. People with victim consciousness tend to be victimized. People assured that they will succeed usually do. But if really push people who are die hard proponents of this one, they will have to resort to some interesting ideas such as “we made agreements before we were born to experience certain things” “you have karma from a past life.” It is not that I disagree with these ideas per see. And maybe sometimes, in some circumstances they can make you happier and therefore work with my non-veracity criteria. It is more that I am wary of these thoughts when they are used in an effort to uphold a simplistic notion such as “you create your own reality.” The danger of this misuse is that it can be used, once again, as an excuse to lack compassion for others. How cold it can be when in the midst of a something awful, you are informed that you have created your own reality. Your beloved pet just got hit by a car? You create your own reality. You were molested as a child? You create your own reality.  A startling example of this is in the realm of health. Simplistic New Age health states negative emotions will make you ill. Sure, I buy it. But I still cringe at the memory of a dear, sweet sister of a friend that died at nineteen by a particularly aggressive strain of breast cancer. Someone within our circle stated “She must have been very angry.” Yikes! New Agers, this type of thinking is just as idiotic as believing someone is going to hell because they have not been baptized. You are falling victim of the human need to theorize in a manner that makes you feel safe. As if you now understand enough about the complexities of life to guarantee your own safety. I assure you, you don’t and you won’t…ever. Let’s revel in the mystery rather than simplify it with idiocy.

4.    Follow Your Bliss

Yes! I barely need to equivocate with this one at all. If your heart leaps at the thought of traveling by yourself to Nicaragua…do it! If you find yourself entranced by postmodernism, go audit Avital Ronell’s classes at NYU! Whatever…don’t logic yourself away from pursuing ideas that, when thought upon, ignite some form of joy within you. In fact, make this the cornerstone of all life choices you make. Is it fun? No? Don’t do it!  Why people work jobs that aren’t fun is beyond me. People hate it when I say that and are quick to point out my killer job. True, but I also insisted upon it. And the shitty jobs I had, I made as fun as possible. And even my killer job isn’t fun every day…but it holds with it the potential to ignite within me that spark of joy.  Why do anything else? It is your freaking life. And the same is true of relationships. Is it fun? No? LEAVE. Relationships should be a good time! There are a couple “be carefuls.” I think the key is knowing what is the spark of joy and what is, say, lust. The misuse of this one is if you decide to leave your successful, loving marriage of ten years to “follow your bliss” with that hottie. Don’t “follow your bliss” away from you responsibilities. I don’t “follow my bliss” to go surfing when I need to be in class. The other big thing to be careful of is if you think your bliss is staying home and watching TV. If the only thing that you look forward to is some form of comfort…don’t follow that! Do something to make yourself UNCOMFORTABLE. Shake it up! Force yourself to go to Nicaragua. Inspiration can not get to you if you are working, then home to Grey’s Anatomy and maybe a movie Friday night. But hey, if a completely pedestrian suburban life leaves you fulfilled, satiated with a sense of well being…well, then I am completely thrilled for you. I bet your kids will love you and you will be an excellent parent. I just don’t know very many people that fall into that category (but I keep strange company). Overall, when I look at my life, everything that I have or that I enjoy about myself came as a direct result of me “following my bliss.” The times that have been hardest for me was when I had no idea what that was. No clue as to what would bring about a sense of fire within me. And I never got the clue for the next adventure by sitting at home. Home is a great place to go to after my latest adventure. It is a great place for planning my next one.

5.    We are all born with certain talents.

Or God gave each of certain gifts. Ideas of that ilk. True enough. Yes indeed, there are naturals to whom certain things come easier to. But as my favorite ESPN radio host Colin Cowherd says “Grinders win.” Tiger Woods worked harder than everyone else. Alex Rodriguez took more batting practice than the rest. Madonna worked night and day for decades. Black Square, the best band ever, practices every week. Plays the same damn songs over and over looking for ways to improve. Grit and determination make for greatness. Finding that part of yourself that will push and drive you to hone your craft when no one is looking and when you could be watching an entire season of Lost. Remember what my hero Joe Strummer said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. There is nothing more common then unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world if full of educated derelicts. Persistence and Determination alone are Omnipotent.”  And another note on this, watch your gifts and don’t use them just because you have them. Don’t let them run you. I realized early on that I have the type of mind coupled with and external demeanor and bent towards polemical articulation that can be lethal in an argument or debate. I will win, I promise you. Is that a gift? Probably. Should I use it? It doesn’t feel that good when I do. Watch what “gifts” you are working on accentuating and see if they are really the parts of you that you want to grow. I know one person who is particularly competent in performing a certain task, but man does it bring out the worst in him. It can be seductive to advance the parts of yourself that comes easy, but it is not necessarily wise. Watch for it early and then try and mold away the edges  that snag you.

6.    Time Heals All Wounds

It certainly seems to be the case that in some instances time is the only thing that helps. In a crazy relationship? I know nothing but no contact for a long ass time that will get you out. Someone close to you die? The pain certainly dissipates as the months go by. But is there such a thing as really truly eradicating a deep wound? So many things I can point to and say yes, at this point in time, I truly no longer experience pain in association with that event. However, I am not sure that in on-going relationships you truly “get over” things completely. And I think if the standard is that you should “get over it”, watch out, it is a set up. Because maybe we are not emotionally wired that way. I liken my emotional setting to a computer screen. Let’s take for example my amazing husband, the love of my life, my partner for the last fifteen years. I have two files on my desktop/brain. One is titled “Husband is a Fantastic Guy!” the other one is titled “Husband is an Asshole.” And the thing is, I have fifteen years of evidence listed in each file. Like a computer screen, I can only see one file at a time. When “Husband is a Fantastic Guy “ is open, I notice elements to add to the file. When the mind has reached a conclusion it rushes to gather evidence to support it. Then something will happen and it triggers the opening of the file entitled “Husband is an Asshole.” This file completely covers the “Husband is a Fantastic Guy” file. I can not see the fantastic guy file at all! It is gone! All I am left with is this fairly lengthy list of evidence of the asshole and am now rushing to support this conclusion. When the wounds in the asshole file are open, they still hurt! Time is irrelevant! The key to negotiating this quandary is knowing, remembering, that the “Fantastic Guy” file exists and working to re-launch it. Never ever make a major relationship decision when the “Asshole” file is open! Work to close it and then see how you feel. If I can keep my good guy, my good life, my benevolent universe files open, then they become habit and the bad guy, sucky life, horrible world files stay buried deep. But for too much of my life I tried to problem solve with the negative files launched. I believed I could reconcile dark observations and formulate beneficial plans while mired in the muck. It took me a long time to be convinced to my core that nothing good comes from hanging out with the negative files open. When you’re doing that you are strengthening their position. Better to grab what information is really needed from them and address it when the positive files are open. And how I switch files is not by saying, while angry “Husband is Fantastic!” and trying to get myself to believe it. Rather, I drop the subject completely and go do something I enjoy. It’s hard, because there is energy in anger. Righteous woundedness has a certain vitality to it that seems to beckon to you with a whisper and suggest “This is right, this is the truth. Stay here with me and we will get justice and it will feel good.” I don’t know that it works out that way. It is just a lie that is going to result in adding more points to a negative list (that my chosen metaphor is about lists and that I am in the middle of writing lists is an irony of sorts that does not escape me). So do I think time heals all wound. Absolutely not. I think that with time we are given the opportunity to practice investing in perspectives that are not the wound and thereby limiting their ability to interfere with our experience of the benevolence of the universe.

7. It Happens in God’s Time

I am regularly a fan of any idea that sets up a dichotomy between you and some other, external one that intervenes. This includes God’s Will versus My Will-isms. In short, I am not into metaphysics (meaning there is the physical world and then something beyond it). If we are made of the same material as the stars then how could such a division exist? I lean more to Taoist thoughts with an emphasis on the interconnectedness of all things. If there is a God, I am sure that this God resides in me as well as all around me.  However, I have seen the metaphysical/fate paradigm generate a pleasing result for those who subscribe. Therefore, keeping to my non-veracity criteria, I support it! As with all expressions rooted in the idea of fate, I see how they can generate a sense of peaceful acceptance in times of turmoil, so have at it. But never ever use a “it wasn’t meant to be” as a cover up for not doing the work. Writing your dissertation is not going to happen in God’s time. Making a decision to stop complaining about you life and foster a better attitude is not going to happen in God’s time. It’s going to happen when you do it! Remember what my hero Joe Strummer said, “The way you get a better world is, you don't put up with substandard anything.'' 

7.    Ask and you shall receive

Yup, so true. You can not expect to get what you want if you don’t ask for it. Remember, people are busy thinking about themselves. They are not thinking about you. They are not wondering what you really need or want. But if they value their relationship with you, they will be more than happy to hear you out. If they are not, and favor defensive posturing, then the breakdown of your relationship is on them. But it is fantastic to articulate your needs and be unattached to the outcome, meaning if they are unable to accommodate, it is simply then your turn to make another decision. I asked for a fifteen thousand dollar raise last year and was told no. And I thought about it for a half of a second before I decided I would stay at my job anyway. You don’t have to leave a situation if the answer is no. However, it is the metaphysical implications of this one that are a bit trickier, aren’t they? Are they saying that if I ask the Santa Claus-God/universe for what I want, it will be given to me? Maybe so, maybe so. How can I discount the time I cried out  “What the fuck, why am I a housewife living on the North Shore of Oahu? I’m quite sure there is suppose to be something else I am doing with my life.” Then the next day there was a letter asking me to return to grad school. Who gets a letter saying, “Hey you, why don’t you come back to grad school now?” The true mistake would have been if… something something cliché about a gift horse and a mouth. If you ask, and you receive…you better recognize it and follow through! Or else how else are you going to cultivate the manifesting talent? I sold everything I had and went back to school. I have a ton of these stories and so the moral is, yes, I ask. I believe in articulating what I want. I am certain that is crucial to allowing the possibility of it to happen. But I have not gotten everything I have asked for. Does that mean that it will happen “in god time?” or that these things are “my will” and not “gods will?” Does it mean that I have not practiced the law of attraction on that issue enough? Again, how the hell would I know? But what am pretty certain of is that the answer is not to be found in any simplistic totalizing rationality that only seems to apply to everything with the effort of more clichés. So I work towards keeping my mind open, knowing that it is all bigger than my capacity to comprehend, and that it is good.